The Saboteur of Joy

While peeking around the corners of my mind, I can see what appears to be the strut of dark hoodys trespassing in the dims of my blinking blue light;
Every now and then, I get a glimpse of their shadows stooped in the lows of my periphery; I have them in sight;
A threat? Not yet, so I keep a close eye on them at a distance, I read the movement of their mouths, because a can faintly hear what they’re talking about;
Here we go, since I’m dealing with the psychos of my mind, there’s really no weapon to find, so I relax on my scout;
Damn, this is really weird, just a minute ago I was coolly on the spot and thought I had some happy in moderation to mention;
There’s something about those hoods that just doesn’t seem right, but still they have my attention;
And just like that, BAM, they hit me
I stumble and fall into my old habits and right back into myself destructive behaviors, compelled to put myself in harms way and sabotage the goodness of my Savior;
Now everybody’s wearing a hoody and I can’t tell them apart;
I hang out in the gallows of my mind just long enough to defile all that’s good and wholesome running strong in my heart;
Not enough to kill me though, but almost;
Doused with just enough pain and anguish to loathe in all the things that bring my joy to a sudden and complete halt;
Slithering around like a wounded snail reduced to an even slower creepy crawler, because I willed myself to a midnight swim treading in a solution of water and death;
Strange, I aspire to grow and feel the wonders of joy and happiness, but for some reason, I entertain those dark shadows lurking around in my mind;
Walking aimlessly alone knowing exactly what goes on over there, shadows in the dark are just that, dark shadows, there’s absolutely nothing to find;
Overloaded with so much hurt over the years, the demolitions of good thought are now permanent tenants;
Detained am I with no probable cause, battling all my life as a self representing defendant;
There’s nothing more ill than living in self pity, it’s about time to move on and stay cool, keep my head tight;
No more break downs in the system, no more hostile takeovers, no more mental lockups with my homicidal homeys in self built jail cells to fight;
No more expectations of malicious intent in everybody and everything, no more damaged goods in my duffle bag tonight;
Are you going to answer the telephone or are you just going to let your freedom ring?
Hello, this is redemption returning your call;
Hi, I was expecting your call, I would like to feel the true meaning in your freedom song, but most of all, I would like to learn how to sing


Troy Balkum©